Monday, May 11, 2015

Requests That Cannot Be Met

There is nothing more dispiriting than a request that cannot be met.

Usually when such things are revealed they are at precisely the wrong moment:  the job goal that will never be achieved no matter how hard you try, the relationship input that can never be fulfilled no matter what you do, the thing which you thought was happily and completely being provided but which in fact was apparently not.  It is at these moments that it feels like the bottom has fallen out of your world.

Why?  Because the sudden realization hits you that these things simply cannot be fulfilled.  It is not an issue of trying or even doing more.  It is the simple fact that it feels like no matter how much you do or try to do, they are simply forever out of reach.

How do you come to terms with such requests?  The initial reaction is to blame one's self - but I am not sure this is the best way to view it.  Comparing ourselves to that which we feel we will never achieve is always guaranteed to ensure that we will feel powerless.  Perhaps a better question is "Is this a legitimate request?"

Here is the truth that we often fail to grasp, both for ourselves and for those making the requests:  they are not all legitimate.  Sometimes they are things that are simply impossible, sometimes they are things that based on how they are phrased can not be achieved but if adjusted could be achieved.  the important fact is to grasp is a request which is not realistic or possible is like a request which constantly changes such that we can never meet it:  in either instance, we are being set up to fail.

We cannot the burden of all possibilities on our shoulders.  And we cannot achieve that which was never achievable.

2 comments:

  1. Wise words TB, I have spent many years trying to live up to impossible requests whether from family, friends or work and this has a lot to do with my state of mind these days. Choosing to blame myself not living up such requests, standards and and also self set expectations has also had a lot to do with my demise and it is only now I am trying to rid myself of the guilt that comes with such things.

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    1. That is the part that is overwhelming John, and you have said it far better than I ever could. The guilt and blame that go along with never being able to actually meet the things are crippling beyond belief. And trying to rid yourself of the guilt is very hard indeed - after all, we are almost inherently trained to honor requests.

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