Grappling with humility again.
Humility is tough for virtually everyone I suppose. I am no different in that aspect. What is always dogging me is the twin thoughts of 1) I need to be more humble; and 2) The humble are always overrun by those who are not.
As I have reasoned before, much of my life - choice of careers, family, friends - is really (or is really supposed to be) an exercise in servanthood: serving the needs of those I am around. Sounds really noble, does it not? The (at least to my selfish mind) pathetic reality is that being a servant can be depressing: you are always getting "given" actions by others to complete and one can continually be doing things for others - to the point that you will have no time to do anything for yourself. And recognition is often scant, a difficult pill to swallow for someone who loves to be the center of attention.
Another issue - one that perhaps bugs me even more - is that those who are "above" you somehow especially see it as a their job to make sure that you serve them. Tasks that theoretically need to be accomplished as a group or team suddenly become largely your responsibility to orchestrate and accomplish, even though we are a "team" or "group". While theoretically this should correspond to the concept of serving, what it actually does is create the sense of servitude, not servanthood.
But I am called to be humble, to serve others. How do I make this work with my inherent desire to be important and feel noticed rather than to serve and be satisfied with obscurity? How do I live out the Gospel commands to have a servant's heart?
How does one become humble - and be satisfied with it?
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