Wednesday, March 06, 2013

A Lack of Progress

What do you do when if feels like every direction you turn is a blank wall leading nowhere?

This is how I feel at the moment - that every direction I walk, every project that I pursue, that everything that I do is leads directly to high wall I cannot get around or over.  What seems to be worse, these walls are moving in on me, constricting my ability to make progress.

It is the sense of doing the things you have identified as doing and finding none of them is going forward as you had desired; that the one thing that satisfies you the least has come to take up the most time, squeezing out the time to do anything else - and that this thing is also seemingly of such a nature that the more and more effort poured into it will not result in greater reward and progress but instead in no sense of progress at all.

There is almost a sense that I being bounded in by God, kept from moving forward in anything by His hand.  Is it is sin in my life that is causing this stasis?  Possibly - certainly it is easy enough for me to always find some sin in my life.  If so, one should repent and move on (which I suppose for me is in and of itself something of a struggle).  But even as I try to find those issues that are ingrained in my life, there is a real sense - to me at least - that moving through these would not make the least sense of progress on a larger scale.

Is the progress being stopped for some other reason, something that God is doing somewhere else in my life for some other reason?  I am not sure that I would know that this is the case even if it is.  I suspect this is the sort of thing that one would only realize years after the event looking back.

Perhaps this is simply a problem that cannot be resolved by my pondering it at length.  What is so concerning about it is the fact that even though I may have a chance someday of understanding, I have to live through this sense of blank walls every day.

That, too, is a sense of no progress leading nowhere which is difficult to live with.

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